I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
