That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
