It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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