The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
