Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
