Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
