did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
