And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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