I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
