My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am mentally ready for anal.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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