I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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