I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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