i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
