My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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