and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How does one acquire holy water?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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