There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
