I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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