I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
