Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
