Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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