When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
