I'm eating all of the evidence.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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