You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
