i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
