i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
