my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
