he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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