Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
