So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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