First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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