that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You made out with two different species that night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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