My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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