the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
