toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
