You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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