At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
