My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Are we still banned from the library?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
