I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
