Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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