I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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