It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
