pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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