and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize