my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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