do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
