Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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