They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You need Xanax blowdarts
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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