I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize