the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
