And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
