Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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