So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
