we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please come you make the beer taste better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
