I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
