i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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