I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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