How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
