your thong is hanging out like whoa
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
