my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
