he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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