So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
