there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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