do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
