I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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