I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
