Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
