i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
