Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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