one two three fourrrrnication!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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