I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
