I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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