So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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