Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
