The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
